The complexities of bullying

Dec 15, 2023

bullying, children, education, mental-health, Parenting, playground, primary school

Playground Bullying

I’m lucky that my son is an incessant chatterbox Everyday, I hear about every second of his life (that’s what it feels like). He thinks deeply about events and asks a million questions that constantly make me wonder how parents coped, prior to Google.

When he was eight years old, he was having a particularly difficult time navigating friendship. We were driving home from school on an Autumn afternoon when Harry asked me, ‘Can I tell you a story using one swear word?’

I detest swearing from children. It is disrespectful and lacks creativity. Swearing’s ubiquity doesn’t make it acceptable. I replied that I was sure with his extensive vocabulary, he could replace it with a more intelligent word but he assured me that the swear word was necessary.

‘I totally f%*#ed Cooper over today.’ he stated strongly and with little emotion.

Google wasn’t going to help me in this moment.

There were so many layers of ‘wrong’ in that sentence that I didn’t know where to start. But Harry hadn’t paused for my response, and it was important that I stayed tight-lipped until the end. My mind whirred and my heart ached as he explained what happened.

Cooper was a bully who had been making Harry’s life a living hell for many months now. Harry had struggled at school drop-off time and had occasionally come running, crying to meet me after school. Cooper called Harry names. Cooper pushed Harry. Cooper got Harry into trouble in class. And Cooper pitted the kids against Harry, making him feel stupid.

Worst of all, Harry was desperate to be Cooper’s friend.

I nodded and told Harry I loved him and told him I would always love him no matter what. And I told him I felt sad that he had experienced such a tough time.

I had to approach Google and typed: ‘What to do when your child is being bullied at school?’ Google came to my rescue once again.

This is what I know:

Being bullied can be crippling.

Bullying can cause long lasting trauma.

Bullies are not happy people. Whatever their reason for bullying, bullies do not come from a place of strong self esteem with a strong foundation of love and acceptance. In the mildest form bullies may not be aware of the damage they are inflicting, in more severe cases it is cruel powerplay and a need for domination.

You need to know that bullying is a sign of weakness by the perpetrator.

What can parents do, when they learn that their child is being bullied?

First of all, acknowledge the pain with your child. Everyone can relate to feeling humiliated and alone. Build your child up, describe specific great qualities your child has. Make sure that they know you love them, all the time, with all of your heart. The child needs to move from vulnerability into a position of power. If children can speak easily to their parents this is a great place to start, just knowing that they are loved helps a child who is being bullied, feel stronger.

There are no easy solutions, but helping your child believe that they will overcome and escape the bullying is necessary. Instil the power of confidence helping with strong body language, listing their achievements and strengths, and focussing on what brings them joy. Children must know they deserve to be respected and safe.

Hopefully it is a simple matter of contacting the school to seek support. Do seek support and don’t hesitate to remove your child from the environment if it continues. Acting with maturity in a calm manner will help you both feel better.

Bullying part of the human condition. That doesn’t make it easy or acceptable.

How is Harry coping with Cooper these days? Harry did assert his authority that day, he was confident enough to move away from Cooper and find a new friendship group. Fortunately, his explicit language didn’t equate to an aggressive act. Cooper’s name hasn’t been mentioned for a long time. But this is only one solution that may or may not work. I’m proud of Harry for being focussed on solutions.

Bullying must not be underestimated, ‘it is being mean to someone over and over again.’ And no one deserves that, least of all a child.

This article merely scrapes the surface of playground bullying. I found the following websites helpful:

Raising Children

Kids Helpline

Headspace

Please seek professional help if anyone in your family is dealing with bullying.

There is never an excuse for bullying.